Big, deep inhale… Great big EXHALE!
The last month and a half has been a whirlwind! Our wedding was the most perfect (imperfect) party that I could have asked for. A few hiccups along the way kept us on our toes, but overall the day was magical. The next morning my phone was lighting up with texts from friends writing to let me know how much fun they all had and, of course, what kind of scandalous activities went down after my aggressive vodka shot sharing took it’s toll on everyone’s voice of reason. It was the kind of party I had hoped for: one with hilarious stories the next day!
We boarded our flight to eastern Europe a couple of weeks later, and had 17 glorious days to let the chaos settle, and to adjust to calling one another “husband” and “wife” (which I’m still getting used to).
And now here we are, back in our apartment in Vancouver, fighting off jet lag and slowly returning to our regular routines. Marriage is now hitting me. I’m currently in the process of changing my last name, we’re sorting out our finances, and we’re getting ourselves ready for having a baby as soon as possible. Although this is, for the most part, the standard progression post-wedding, for me these are massive undertakings that have been taking up space in my mind up until the day I said, “I do”.
As cheesy as it sounds, something changed when I saw that wedding band around his finger. I realized in that moment that he is my husband, my person, my family. I realized that even if I’m angry beyond belief, annoyed to the max, he’s still going to be by my side, so I best check my attitude and ask myself if it’s worth the energy for me to get so pissed (and I’m a fiery one, so these moments are very much a reality for me). I’m a fiercely independent woman, so the thought of changing my name, or sharing my income would normally send me off on a feminist rant. But with him… I just… want to. I want us to share a name, and share our incomes, and make babies. These feelings are all so new and exciting for me.
My relationship track record isn’t exactly full of super long term experiences. In fact, a lot of my friends knew me as someone who’s afraid of commitment. Let me just say that I have been fortunate enough to attract some pretty amazing men in my life, most of whom I’m still on good terms, if not great friends with! The way I saw it was that my twenties were for having shorter length relationships to discover who I would be most compatible with. The thought of long term commitment used to make my heart race, and not in the good way. I had a hard time understanding how people could commit themselves to one person for 2 or more years in their early twenties. I mean, there are just so many men (and women) out there, how could you know for sure who your ideal partner was if you didn’t explore various types of personalities? I never believed in soulmates, or the whole”one true love” thing. I have always believed in compatibility. And I have been in love at least four times before I met my husband.
I don’t regret any of my experiences with these men. Some of them were painful, but I reflect on all of them fondly and wish nothing but the best for my ex boyfriends. I’m so grateful to have had the chance to share a small portion of my life with them. They’ve helped shape me to be the woman I am now. And the woman I am now, is the one that Jeff fell in love with. Suffice to say, thanks boys!
I know that we are still in the honeymoon phase of our marriage. I know that tough times, inevitably, lie ahead. No one has ever said that marriage is all sunshine and rainbows. But if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that I really couldn’t ask for a better partner to go on this crazy ride with!